Emphatically Awed by God

Okay, so I realize that I'm an inconsistant blogger. However, I just so happen to be serving a very consistant Master. HE is never-changing, always reliable, and unmistakably Sovereign. I am utterly exhausted at present, yet so overwhelmed by HIS faithfulness, it's hard to let my mind rest easy. Let's just say that God does hear our prayers, respond to them, and perfect HIS strength in our weaknesses so that we can glorify HIM in the tasks HE's set before us to carry out. I have been so encouraged by who HE is in my own life and in the ministry HE's called me to. Let's just say that although I've felt a little "changed" since my earlier years, the God I surrendered to 20 years ago (WOW! I can't believe I can say that. One score and several months ago, I gave my life to Jesus Christ.---Craziness! I feel like I should be wearing a top hat and beard.) is still the same and is still reminding me of HIS unchanging character and revealing HIS power to me in new and fresh ways. Let me explain...
For the most part, public speaking has never been a fear-raising factor in my life. I mean, I think I popped out of the womb talking. I probably interviewed my delivery doctor right then and there. I was a child full of questions and ready to interrogate anyone willing to entertain my questions. My Aunt Joker always used to say that God engineered me with a button on my bottom, b/c whenever I sat down in the car, to eat dinner, to watch a movie, etc...my mouth started to run and run and run and...you get the picture. I remember a few times feeling a little nervous right before giving a speech in college or something, but other than a few butterflies and sporting a red face for about 15 seconds, speaking in front of others hasn't been a huge fear of mine. Since arriving in Korea, I have wondered a couple of times where good ol' Audra went, b/c this new Audie girl has been freaking out about speaking in front of large groups.
First of all, I "voluntarily" signed up to lead one of the large group Bible lessons for our Immersion (middle school Spring Break mission journey to Indonesia) training session. After learning that 60 something students and 16 other faculty members were going to be in attendance at these sessions, I was like, "Oh my stars! What have I done? Why did I sign up to teach to that large group? And why did I sign up to teach at the 2nd meeting of all things? There are like ex-pastors, experienced missionaries, and chaplains in that group of faculty members. I shouldn't be teaching them. OH STARS! I'll probably say something wrong and lose all credibility as a "bringer of the word." I'll be fired from the trip!" I told my mom over the phone that I must have been on crack when I signed up. Or maybe, just maybe, INSULIN inhibits one's abilities to make common-sense choices. Well, we know that too much insulin does indeed do that, but that's a whole other story. I'll just stick with the crack excuse, b/c I know that my blood sugar wasn't low when I typed on the dotted line.
Anyway, in the midst of this dilemma, our sweet elementary school chaplain, Dr. Casino, asked if I'd be willing to share my testimony during our elementary school faculty devotions. Immediately I thought, "Hot DOG! Another opportunity to speak in front of a group of seasoned Christian adults." Actually, in all honesty, I was quite encouraged by the request but a little overwhelmed and feeling a little underqualified. I do enjoy sharing with others what God is doing in my life, but for some reason, Satan was attacking me in the confidence area. As I began to prepare for the Immersion meeting, I started with the provided, pre-preparation devotion. God could not have hand-chosen a better passage to calm my frantic state of mind. I kind of laughed after reading it and thanked God for HIS comforting words.
The passage was 2 Corinthians 3:4-6: "And we have such trust through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life."
I imagined Jesus looking down at me and saying, "Rest easy, child. I agree with you. You can't do it in and of yourself. Your sufficiency comes from ME. Trust in ME for the sufficiency of the task at hand."
What peace I felt instantly as I reflected on God's word! Not all my nervousness went away, but my reservations and questions about whether I could do it disappeared. That was no longer the question or the point. The question became, "Do I acknowledge Christ as my sufficiency?" It then became a matter of my willingness to submit to and rely upon God alone to prepare me through HIS word and speak through me.
Of course I'm my own worst critic, but the session turned out okay! I did not get "booed." (At least not that I could hear.) Tomatoes were not thrown at me. I did not hyperventilate. And most importantly, to my knowledge, I was able to speak the truth of God's word without distorting it or leading others astray. I pray that HIS message of hope and the fact that we must accept it was conveyed to all in attendance that day.
Have a fantabulous day! Please let me know of your encounters with the Father. How has HE encouraged or challenged you this week? Be blessed!